If you can’t take the heat, get out of the….oven? Damn, I was so busy preparing for the rapture I didn’t even know they changed the saying.

Disclaimer: As many of you have expressed your concern for that I’ve been buried alive under my work. The truth is I was/am. But I’ve been able to dig out one hand in an attempt to blog about this “amazing” (compliments of Jason Mesnick) season. With that being said, I will do my best to write something after every episode…even if it’s just a paragraph…

Oh, one more thing. This week’s blog is dedicated to the Trager Sisters. Fist pump.

Enough with my babble, let’s talk about the serious stuff. This season’s drinking word is….Insecurity. We will also accept insecure, insecurities, and insecurorama. Not to be confused with good self esteem. Which our dear Ashley has none of.

So Ashley is back from her extreme makeover home edition and since when is she the ‘tiny dancer’? Did we know that? Guess I didn’t pay enough attention last time. I couldn’t hear a thing over all her whining and complaining. BUT lucky for me, she bounced back from her deep love affair with Brad and is now ready to spread her legs, I mean herself, to 25 lucky suitors.

“I’m the most skeptical person you can ever meet” – Ashley Something. (I presume she has a last name but I don't care enough about her to google stalk). I'm just not that into her.

Well Tinker Bell, good thing you’re searching for your husband on a reality show. Keep this trend up and we look forward to your debut on divorce court.

Once again we find ourselves with a room full of hot men all ready and willing to jump at the chance to put the ball and chain on. And no we are not on a commune in Utah. We are here, in LA, land of men dying to settle down and start a family. I’m serious. No sarcasm at all. Nope, not this time.

Before I start ripping apart these poor men (hey, they asked for it) all I have to say is I can probably get into some serious trouble with JP. Dangerous. Very dangerous. (evil laugh). Husband material, yeah probably not so much. BUT fun time with Mr. Construction man. Yes. We. Can.

Ok, so here are the lucky ones who stood out.
Ryan – yummy
John – Something about that suit and tie makes him look like he should be working in the shoe dept at Nordstrom.
Ben – oui oui. That’s French for, mmmm I’ll have that.
Steven – Hair so straight and suave. Looks like you just got the brazillian. We must have used the same groupon. Did you put my name down? I want my $10 credit.
Chris – not sure if was rapping or attempting a poem. (aww, our friend Casey must have prepped him). Whatever, it was cute.
West – Super cute. Love the compass that he gave her. (Dear Mr. West, I’m lost. Please come find me and go down south). Oops. Need to put a lid on it.
Anthony – First of all….oh I won’t even go there. Ok yes I will. Can he fit any more of an east coast stereotype. Loved the gold necklace Tony. Luigi and Mario want. it. back.
Ames – Harvard, Stanford, Yale?? Where did he not go to school. Key word: overachiever. Now ballet tickets? Dude this guy probably even has my life planned out for me on an excel spreadsheet. Sweet, so does it say anywhere on there that I get to be the next Bachelorette? Oh God help me, I would rather make a fake eharmony commercial with my brother. What??? Moving on…
Matt – handshake = fun and awesome. (Interlude: I did that recently on a date and the guy stared at me. I kicked him to the curb right after. Who doesn’t want to be a goofball sometimes? Sorry, keep forgetting this is not about me)
Jeff – Mask
Ben – Winemaker. Oh wait, did you think I was going to say anything else about the Pied Piper? Ummm, he has beautiful eyes? I like him for his heart, not his face. Well that would be true since he forgot to change his outfit after he shot his S&M video.
Back to Ben, he’s a winemaker. I already married him in my head.
Frank – he picked her up and danced around with her. So glad Ashley’s new wig didn’t fall off, that would have been awkward.
Mike – She’s gonna gas him inside? Tmi.
JP- Stranger danger (in a good way)
Nick – just got his tips highlighted. Someone forgot to tell him the 80’s are over. Was kinda expecting him to have Zinka on his nose too. In a bright color. Like maybe pink?
Constantine – he should get a rose just because his name is Constantine. But wait, there’s more. The pink dental floss as a ring. Genius. So cute and creative!

Cocktail Party:
Quick overview:
1) Calling the mom on first date? I thought that only happens with the mammas boys on jdate? At least wait to the second date to reveal your umbilical cord.
2) “I’m just in sales”. Ashley, we’ve found your soulmate! Now both of you can work on your self esteem together.
3) Bentley needs to be run over by a Bentley. Oh crap, bad karma for me. Just kidding. Sending pink light.

Well.. that about wraps up our evening folks. She picked some guys, dumped some others….you know how this game is played - she’s probably already in love. I know I am (deep love)…with JP. PS, JP- you can call me cupcake, babycake, buttercake, you can even call me Suzy if you want. I'm an equal opp kinda gal.